i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
