im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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