I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
