Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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