Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
