I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
