I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
