I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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