Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
