She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
