I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
