This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
