Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My liver just broke up with me...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
