It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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