I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
How external is "for external use only"?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
