So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
