3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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