Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
