we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
