dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Four minutes until I can fart!
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
