addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
