my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
