dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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