if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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