You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
