I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
