I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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