He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
