its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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