found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
