The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
either way he was missing a nipple.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
