There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
