Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
