he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
