We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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