When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
