I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
