do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
