I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Randomize
