I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
