got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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