I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
false alarm, still single
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