Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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