he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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