I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
