I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
