I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
OPIZZABONMYDICK
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
