It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Need sex. Gaining weight.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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