So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
