I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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