i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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