he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
