dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
They are going to name an STD after you.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
