3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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