So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
