Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
