i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
