i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
