Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
