hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
