You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
